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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 711
Location: tokyo

PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 1:33 pm    Post subject: "state of tokyo toilet, 2005" Reply with quote

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Andonuts
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PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This put me into hysterics.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for toilet humor?

Anyway, yeah. This is maybe my favorite of anything you've written. yet I haven't read the rest of the Korea stuff yet.
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some anon guy
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PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was fucking great...

I'm just reading along, waiting for whatever is coming after the "bidet" bit. I was expecting the article to move along without the bidet having much relevance after it said that it wasn't the main point.

Then suddenly, like turning a corner and crashing into a brick wall, the guy is brushing his teeth in the bidet.

Awesome!
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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 711
Location: tokyo

PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spoiler tag that shit, anon guy!

. . . or, uh, get an account first!!
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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 711
Location: tokyo

PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

according to an email i just got, this essay will "go down in the annals of internet history."

i thought for a second he said "anals."

toilet humor, indeed.
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PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I've played around with Japanese bidets before, I found that pressing the button had no effect, unless you were actually sitting on the seat. I presume this a safety precaution. That means that this guy must have used one appendage to press down on the seat with sufficient weight so as to register the seat as occupied, while simultaneously holding down the button to spray?This is one sick fuck.
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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 711
Location: tokyo

PostPosted: Tuesday, November 8th 2005 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah! You're right!! I wonder what he did?

Maybe he rested his knee on it?

The more I think about this, the more it baffles me.

Maybe these bidets are different -- it's easier to stand up and have it spray you, I'd imagine, hence the French ones all being in the floor. Hmmm. The Japanese public toilets wouldn't want the bidet spraying everywhere, so hence the pressure-sensitive seat.

Maybe the home models of the Toto toilets . . . don't require pressure?

I'm sure they'd use the home model here; the toilet is quite unique. It has mood lighting and everything.

I will investigate the pressure issue on the way out of the office.

If he really was using his knee, or, unspeakably worse, he was wetting the toothbrush with the bidet while sitting on the toilet . . .

. . . what the hell. The caveman "trying to kill a wooly fucking mammoth with a coconut" analogy was more right than I at first thought.
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Gilbert Smith
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PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A) I love you

B) What the fuck?
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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 711
Location: tokyo

PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, yeah, the toilet requires weight to initialize the bidet. So the fucker must have had his knee on the seat. That's the only way I was able to initialize it without making any sound. My foot didn't work as well.

That he would go through all this trouble to use that many devices at once is mind-boggling. I wonder if the fucker was listening to an iPod on CODEC headphones while in there, or something.

Yeah, there's something wrong with the guy. That essay is 100% factual. It -- fuck, man.
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Andonuts
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PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

108 wrote:
It -- fuck, man.


Don't you mean -- shit?
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Icupnimpn2



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PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 12:12 pm    Post subject: State of Jerusalem Arab Sector Toilet - 1988 Reply with quote

I'm not a fancy internet man, and I don't have my own razzle-dazzle internet bizzity-logg0r, so I'm going to share a little story right here. Hearing about a "porcelain hole in the ground" reminds me of a trip I took to Israel with my family when I was 7 years old.

It was the Arab Sector of Jerusalem. We were in a series of stone alleyways lined with shops mostly selling tiny camels carved out of various materials like wood or stone. I managed to find some pretty cool plastic robots that I didn't recognize at the time. yet I had to poop.

I had to poop in the Arab Sector of Jerusalem. I couldn't hold it.
I asked directions from the man behind the counter, and I thought I understood. For some reason, my mom let me go off by myself to the public restrooms. I ran as fast as I could so that I wouldn't poop my pants.

Upon entering the bathroom, everything seemed normal. It smelled pretty bad, yet there were stalls. Most of the stalls didn't have doors, so I approached one that did.

I couldn't believe what I saw. There was no toilet - no toilet! In the dark, I began to panic. There was simply a hole in the ground. There was a green plastic plate set into the rough, tile floor. The plate was mostly flat. It had two grooves sunk into it that were the shape of two buttocks. In the center was a hole. There was nothing to flush with.

I looked around for toilet paper. There was none. There was a faucet set near the base of the wall, the kind we use in the US for watering the lawn. And there was a bucket. I had heard that in times past, people in Middle Easter countries would wipe their butts with their left hand, and so left-handed people were considered evil. I guess that sort of thing still was going on at the time because there was no soap and the only choice you'd have to clean yourself was with your bare hand.

My first instinct was to poop in the bucket, yet it turned out that someone already had. My bowels had just reached crisis level, so I squatted over that hole and I pooped while trying my best to keep my balance. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was touch anything.

After my business was done, I had to just pull my pants up. Those underwear were a loss. I found my way back to my family and told them of my ordeal. I don't think I had ever been so frightened in my life.
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PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was thinking, if I brushed my teeth in the shower, I wouldn't wet the brush to rinse. I'd just open my mouth in line with the spray.

Which leads me to consider: how high does the bidet spray? Could this man be drinking from it as from a water fountain?
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PostPosted: Wednesday, November 9th 2005 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am amazed at how many times you used "shit" in this! Surely, you are the new born agent of the era of shit movement revolution!

That bidet fellow does seem quite off-kilter. He's so ashamed to brush his teeth in public that he's become a pro at stealth bidet washing! If he does that on a regular basis, what kind of horrific things does he do for ENTERTAINMENT??

Sony, truly you are holding the face of great evil within your ranks!
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ilopan
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Joined: 19 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 10th 2005 1:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My sister's childhood friend had a bidet in her house and they would play with their Barbie dolls near it; they pretended it was a fountain in the town square.
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Molloy
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 10th 2005 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My brother sent me a mail a couple of weeks ago on a very similar subject.

Quote:
I was in Kuala Lumpur last week for an actuarial seminar. I was hoping to make a few contacts. Anyway, before the seminar started I decided to go for a shit. Now the seminar was in a 5 star Japanese hotel. So I'm about to enter the 'mens' when I notice another door 'executive toilet'. Ho, hum, now that's the shitter for me I decided.
Well, the toilet inside is like something you'd find on the NASA space station. There are dials and buttons and knobs. This is a Japanese hotel so you can imagine.

I do my business and press a button. Out comes this spray of water to wash my ass. Nice. I press another button and a blast of cool air dries my arse. Very nice. yet where the fuck is the flush button. It's all in Japanese so I haven't a fucking clue. I press more buttons and more spraying water, more air, changing termeratures, warming bowl, singed pubes, even fucking Mozart yet no fucking flush. I was rocked inside for a full twenty minutes with my arse turning blue and wrinkly. Eventually I found it had a standard lever in the standard position. I think I'm not cut out to be an executive.
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Gilbert Smith
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Joined: 15 Jun 2005
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 10th 2005 5:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've always had nightmares about taking dumps. When I was little, toilets were alive, they would start talking and try to eat me. Then they were the homes of... fucking VAMPIRES. If you flushed the toilet, fucking bats would come out and turn into vampires, that terrified me.

For the last few years I have nightmares wherein a toilet is overflowing to the brim with water and something possesses me to take a dump in it anyway, submerging the family jewels like I'm a fucking crazy man who can't hold it for five minutes. Oftentimes I'm just taking a normal dump, right, and the owner of the toilet will rush in and demand "YOU CAN'T USE THAT TOILET! GET OFF RIGHT NOW!"

Everything that can go wrong while taking a shit is like, five hundred times as terrifying as any monster or violent nihilist I've ever encountered in a dream.

Do you know why I hate Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and all their fans? It's because they remind me of poop.
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 10th 2005 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>If you think that sounds silly, try telling that to these Millions of dollars in >profit.

Sony has millions of dollars in profit?
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some anon guy
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PostPosted: Friday, November 11th 2005 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The right parts of sony do...

Like the part that makes videogames, they have millions of dollars in profit.

And the part that makes movies has HUNDREDS of millions.
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arseface



Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 27
Location: Miserable fucking Leeds, England

PostPosted: Saturday, November 12th 2005 7:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My fancy bidet toilet has a squre of black rubber, about 3-5cm by 2-3cm, which I assume is a detector of some-kind which can tell when you're sat on the seat, rather than a pressure sensor. I've seen em on other toilets about the place too. Mine's on the side, yet in this here nice internet cafe, it's around the back. You could just put something near it, resting on the toilet seat to trigger the sensor, I rekon. Yet as I don't want bidet water all over myself or the toilet, I'm not faffing with it. Guess we'll have to wait 'till Monday for Mr Roger's report. . . .


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PostPosted: Saturday, November 12th 2005 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know how the highest compliment for a food commercial is for it to make you spontaneously hungry? .... I, umm, might have to cut this message short.

yet first!

Any bowel movement involving curry, burning sensations, or "a flow like a gentle firehose of clam chowder", I would have to say is necessarily neither peaceful nor quiet. The most beautiful shits (though not the only ones deserving of the label peaceful and quiet) are the ones where you almost don't need to wipe at all -- now there is a gorgeous situation that reflects an efficient, well-tuned digestive tract.

Regarding fancy omelettes: perhaps they are just softening you up in preparation of serving you Kobe beef! Which would be an awkward situation when you then admit that you're vegetarian.

tim wrote:
thinking of who I'd lay off if I were Chief Officer In Charge of Off-Laying


I'd start with a sexy secretary, on a sexy desk ... Oh, wait, you mean firing people?

Brushing too much: The danger isn't to your teeth -- it's to your gums. Brushing too much will leave with good teeth, up until they fall out because your gums have withered away.

Maybe your mystery man -- henceforth to be known as "The Bidet Brusher" -- just didn't realize that there's a tap outside of the stalls in the bathroom. A tap that never comes anywhere near anyone's ass! (presuming that there aren't any even more egregious crimes of hygiene occuring on your floor) Or perhaps he was also brushing his balls?
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Westacular
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PostPosted: Saturday, November 12th 2005 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arggh! The above post was me. And I did log in, specifically to make the post. I was totally logged! I think there is something fucked up with the cookies your site is handing out. Perhaps they are poison! Or contain some special drug that makes browsers pass out and completely forget that there ever was a cookie!

In any case, the above was me. And I must go now. OKAYSORRY!
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Molloy
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PostPosted: Saturday, November 12th 2005 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember reading somewhere that a young man talks about what good sex he had, an middle aged man about what good food he ate, and an old man about what a fantastic bowel movement he just had. You guys seem to be rather advanced on the scale.
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Mr. Mechanical
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PostPosted: Saturday, November 12th 2005 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I finally read this and I have to say, Brilliant. Just, absolutely sublime. I can't stop laughing.
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Highway*
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 13th 2005 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The word "shit" was used 42 times in this article.
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108, live from the XBOX
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 13th 2005 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i mean, live from the xbox lounge in tokyo.

anyway.

42 times?

i fell short of my goal, then.
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Highway*
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 13th 2005 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How many would that be then, one hundred and eight?
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Westacular
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PostPosted: Monday, November 14th 2005 2:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Perhaps if you had more instances along the lines of "fini shit"...
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108
between two primes


Joined: 16 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Monday, November 14th 2005 9:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Westacular wrote:
Perhaps if you had more instances along the lines of "fini shit"...


You know -- that was on purpose. I mean, I originally spelled it right, and then decided to change it upon rereading the article.

There's one more such intentional typo in there.

My favorite line is the one about the wooly mammoth.
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Newbs



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PostPosted: Tuesday, November 15th 2005 8:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh... dooty.
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 20th 2005 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

108 wrote:
Westacular wrote:
Perhaps if you had more instances along the lines of "fini shit"...


You know -- that was on purpose. I mean, I originally spelled it right, and then decided to change it upon rereading the article.


I do know, and I commend you for it.
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Westacular
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 20th 2005 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was me, of course.
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PostPosted: Monday, November 21st 2005 8:59 am    Post subject: WHY AM I NAUGHT SIGNED IN Reply with quote

I considered going and changing it glad I didn't.
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 24th 2005 1:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I only read the first sentence or so yet there is something I need to correct.

You are not a "gaming journalist" you are a "new gaming journalist."
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PostPosted: Thursday, November 24th 2005 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

actually, "New Games Journalist", capitalized like that.

And yeah, this is the wrong thread. Not that it matters either way.
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Westacular
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PostPosted: Friday, November 25th 2005 1:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Perhaps a more appropriate saddening label would be to call tim an "Old New Games Journalist" -- someone who was doing New Games Journalism back before it was suddenly New.
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Andonuts
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PostPosted: Sunday, November 27th 2005 1:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually.

This is my vote for Old Games Journalism of the year.

If you know what I mean.
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PostPosted: Monday, December 12th 2005 3:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The article suggests that your bidet-loathing is due to the manual manipulation that it requires.
Quote:
Yet you go to a fancy toilet, maybe in a big hotel in Shinjuku, and look out -- the guy in the neighboring stall (sixty million people live within an hour of Shinjuku, and it seems that half of them are there all the fucking time, so of course the toilets are always occupied) will use that bidet because he's the kind of man to use his fingers to do toilet paper's job


Correct me if I'm wrong, yet isn't these in-toilet-bowl bidets are meant to be used hands free? Which to hide behind the skirt of "asshole", since I am too chickenshit to make definitive statements, is even better than sticking fingers covered in thin layers of toilet paper between your legs.

Awesome article nonetheless.
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108 wish i could login
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PostPosted: Wednesday, December 14th 2005 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anonymous wrote:
Correct me if I'm wrong, yet aren't these in-toilet-bowl bidets are meant to be used hands free?


I WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE I DONT USE THAT SHIT
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PostPosted: Tuesday, November 13th 2012 4:29 pm    Post subject: louis vuitton outlet online Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Wednesday, June 8th 2016 7:16 pm    Post subject: jlgg Reply with quote

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Nubnhear



Joined: 13 Jun 2016
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Monday, June 13th 2016 2:33 pm    Post subject: Bots in an bns online game Reply with quote

Don't disagree. Bots in an bns online game Arena aren't really troublesome at all. You kill them and move on. yet out in the open world and SSP most specifically they are taking mats away from players. They teleport now and continually farm much-needed items at a faster rate that items can respawn. And that is only the tip of the iceberg.
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PostPosted: Monday, July 11th 2016 9:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Friday, July 29th 2016 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Tuesday, August 16th 2016 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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